Epiphany strikes. The words fly from your fingers. The process like giving birth to a sweet baby child. You fall in love at once, fancying it has your eyes, cheekbones, and all manner of ridiculousness. Writing babies are notoriously manipulative. Their only goal is to sustain their mediocre life lest they fall into the Deep Dark Abyss of Discarded Writing. Even the purist writers have been infected by this parasitic breed.

Writing babies are notoriously manipulative. Their only goal is to sustain their mediocre life lest they fall into the Deep Dark Abyss of Discarded Writing.

Not all writing babies are leeches, of course. The well-behaved are quite moldable. These bits have great potential but are often sent to the Land of Limbo if they serve no purpose. Genius bits of writing, on the other hand, occur once every great while under a stormy sky, new moon, or the rising of Jupiter in the dark, dark night. These masterpieces are so impressive they often induce writer’s block. Captivated by their brilliance, writers decide to wait until the next rising of Jupiter to finish the project – a ludicrous plan since Jupiter only rises once. To avoid this fate, simply stuff the pages into a handy vase with a poisonous plant or two.

Most writing babies are rebellious demon spawn. Their stubborn refusal to adapt into a work of art requires a few months of nothingness in the Abyss. Marinating in the gloomy depths will silence all delusions of grandeur. Take care not to interact during exile lest they conspire for early release. Prematurely freed writing babies are a fearsome sight, inserting themselves into every crevice and wreaking havoc on manuscripts, articles, letters. Even Instagram. Soon, you will have no editing skills left at all and your writing will resemble a howling fluff ball.

Soon, you will have no editing skills left at all and your writing will resemble a howling fluff ball.

A sort of parental pride is common when the spawn takes its first faltering steps, staring wide eyed at the bright lights and loud noises. Eat some cake. Drink some champagne. And let the infatuation end there. Remember, if the writing does get the upper hand, stab it with a pencil. Lead is lethal and desiccation will occur immediately.

Have you been overpowered by your own writing? All war stories deserve to be told.

Cheers,

Lizzy