Muses and How to Banish Them to the Nether

In your writing adventures, you will be assailed by uncommon perils. Rain, hailstorms, fire, and—worst of all—muses. These terrifying creatures will strike you dead in the heart on a whim. Such an attack can result in paralysis, head trauma, and a fondness for salamanders. All deadly injuries. You must be prepared. And there is no better defense than a handy writing arsenal.

With proper weapons, any writer can defend against muses. However, level four and up writers ought to carry a big stick for extra protection. Aggressive muses swarm towards higher levels like flies to the jelly. Optionally, if you happen to have a couple of well-behaved muses at your disposal, they are a great addition to your arsenal. But if they are only moderately well-behaved, dispose of them in the nearest trash can.

Without further ado, here are my top four instruments of war:

  1. A sturdy notebook and pen: Furiously scribbling absolute drivel will subdue the cleverest muses. Should this fail, however, you may need to write something of actual substance. A pocket notebook and roller ball pen will do the trick nicely.
  2. A hearty imagination: A hefty dose of overactive imagination will bash away the foulest aggressor. Simply envision an immersive action scene. Go for something angsty and dramatic. It will up your chances of victory and give you an emotive thrill. If you are not skilled at such an endeavor, abandon ship and run for your life.
  3. A hefty stack of nostalgia: The single most underrated bit of writing equipment. Frighteningly easy to access, nostalgia is indispensable in a bind. Simply close your eyes and transport yourself to your favorite childhood book. Snatch a bit of the general flavor and store in an airtight container. When confronted, shake gently. The scent will quickly overpower any foes.
  4. A thickly built writing apparatus: Level six and up writers may find none of the above tactics successful—big stick included. In such cases, a bulky laptop of at least 15 inches with an especially cantankerous hard drive will work wonders. Free write as loudly as possible. The unbridled creativity will alarm attackers and teleport them straight to the nether.

With these weapons at your disposal, you have nothing to fear. If you lose a battle, it is your own fault. But do not despair. Patch up your equipment. Heal your wounds. Dry your eyes. Next time you will do better.

Have you faced uncommon perils in your writing adventures? Hard drive failures, spontaneous combustion? Tell me in the comments! All war stories deserve to be told.

Next week we will be diving deeper into the horrifying world of muses.

Be careful out there,


Image by Mystic Art Design from Pixabay

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